Change Yourself…Change The World.

Packing and Unpacking and Packing
May 10, 2010, 12:00 am
Filed under: USA

Hello friends,

My brief stint in New York is soon to be over. I graduate from Global College on Thursday, and leave on Friday. Yesterday, I spent all day packing up most of my possessions to ship home- scarves, hats, winter clothes, a large variety of books, kitchen utensils, little odds and ends– and now most of them lay boxed up in a corner of my room, leaving my dormitory as blank and dismally vacant as when I first arrived. Now I merely have the bare essentials– my computer. My camera. My phone. A week’s worth of clothes.

And I couldn’t be happier.

I don’t think it quite hit me until today how little I had really settled into living in New York. I always had an intuitive feeling that I would be leaving again the moment I had the chance. I didn’t allow myself to be taken in by the city: I didn’t spend my time traversing the streets like I so often and fondly do in other countries. I didn’t take in the new sights or new experiences. I let everything wash over me without feeling wet. I didn’t feel comfortable being ‘settled.’ I didn’t venture outside to fully explore my neighborhood; the promenade right next to the Brooklyn bridge is within 2 minute’s walking distance, and I haven’t been there once. Just today a friend of mine came over and asked where a nice nearby coffee shop was. I didn’t know. I had never taken the time to look.

And now that all of the material possessions I surrounded myself with to try to make me feel ‘settled,’ to make me feel that I was in a more permanent place, is packed up and out of sight. And I feel completely free again. Completely free to throw all of the things that I REALLY need into one bag. Completely free to go wherever I want, to not be tied down to rent, to a car, to a 9 to 5 job in a cubicle. I am going to China. I am going to Africa. I am going to Latin America.

This weekend I’ve realized how much of a subconscious fear I had- this fear that once I settled back into the United States, the nomadic part of me will become buried beneath new opportunities, new responsibilities, new relationships and connections- and that I wouldn’t be able to find that part of myself for a long time- maybe not even again. But as soon as my dormitory walls were rid of posters and pictures and were left as blank as the day I had arrived, my favorite self that had been absent for what seemed like an eternity, jumped right back out, eager and excited to get back on the road.

I am not ready to settle. I am ready to go back out into the world again, where it’s just me and my wits and my trusty documentation to record it all. I am traveling again. And I am ready to go.

China in one week.

Faithfully yours, brittanygoesglobal,

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